He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
