1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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