Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
