Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
