So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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