New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
