i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize