well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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