Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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