Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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