I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
