I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
