well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
