uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
