Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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