Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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