Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
