You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
my liver is dry heaving
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
