Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ketchup is God's man juice
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
