I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
