Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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