so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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