How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
