how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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