Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
