I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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