chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
