maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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