...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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