i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
