didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
They have beer where we have blood.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
