So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
