The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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