Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
