There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We need to get me chipped asap
I touched a dick in church today
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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