I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
