If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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