so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
