The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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