so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
