hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i drank out of a bidet.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
