I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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