Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
