I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
