Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
