TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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