OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
