Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
