I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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