Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
