apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
