he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
