There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
