Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
