I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We left the knife in your bed.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
