Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
