that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
