i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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