Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
