you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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