before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
