Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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