The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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