I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
