I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
