Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The power of my boobs compel you
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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