I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
