my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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